31.12.13

When live gets too much

This post will be in English only.

I've doubted if I should write this post. But I feel like sharing this with you.

2013 was a very difficult year for me. A lot of things happened. I got a burn out and lost my job. Alas this wasn't my first time. It happened 3times before. I've been exhausted, stressed out, and had many anxiety attacks. Because it happened so many times a diagnostic research followed after a few appointments with a psychogologist. After a few months I've been diagnosed with PDD-NOS and an anxiety disorder. Last summer treatment started and I hoped things would be better soon. 

This wasn't the case. The last months I felt worse and worse. I had no structure, all there was was chaos. In my home and mostly in my head. I felt depressed and even more exhausted then before. Also the anxiety attacks became worse and worse. 

Last week, just before christmas I collapsed. I wasn't able to take care of myself anymore. Since then I'm staying at my parents place. I started with new medications and I'm suffering from the side effects. Hopefully they will be gone soon. I also get a more intensive treatment in a few weeks.

At this time, blogging is not my highest priority. I'm not sure when I'm back and I'm not reading other blogs as much as I used to. 

So for now I will take a break and focus on my health and treatment. 

I wish you all the best for 2014!

32 comments:

  1. My dear, I am a fan of your blog, but as a fan I MUST INSIST you take care of yourself first. Those of us our here can wait for your return or deal with your blog retirement. I'm glad you have family to support you. Anxiety is something I have dealt with and I can empathize with your struggle. My hope is finding your strength and joy again. Take all the time you need. xo Angela

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    1. Thanks Angela! Anxiety is so difficult to deal with. It really controls my life at the moment.
      What helped you to deal with anxiety? (If I may ask)

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  2. Anthea, ik hoop dat je je snel wat beter voelt! Neem je tijd en laat je door niemand opjagen. Uiteindelijk zal alles weer goed komen. Veel liefs!

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  3. Dear Anthea! I wish you all the very best! Take care of yourself and look after yourself, do things that help you and that you like to do, and if this isn't this blog that is perfectly fine.
    I hope that you will feel better soon and that 2014 will be a better year for you.
    Best wishes, my thoughts are with you, get well soon, love Annette

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  4. I'm so sorry to hear this Anthea. I hope you get well and that 2014 is a better year for you. Hugs, Jane.

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  5. O nee wat vervelend om te horen :( Ik wens je heel heel heel veel sterkte en maak je vooral geen zorgen om je blog. Ik hoop dat je evengoed een fijne avond hebt en ik wens je een extra prettig nieuw jaar toe! Ik kijk er alvast naar uit als je in 2014 weer klaar bent om je naai projecten te delen :)

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    1. Dankjewel Renee! Ik heb besloten om binnenkort met wat simpelere dingen bezig te gaan. Dus even geen jassen en fair isle vesten. Die komen later wel weer.

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  6. Speaking as someone who has experienced something similar, take your time and don't feel bad about it all. You are doing the right thing by focusing on yourself now. You need this time to get organised again and start feeling much better. My fingers are crossed for you! :)
    May 2014 be the start of something new - and good!

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    1. Thank you so much! It's a difficult time, but it get better!

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  7. I too enjoy reading your posts, but one's health must be a priority. I pray that the medication will be straightened out soon and that you will find your happy place again.

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    1. Thank you Olivia! At the moment I feel better because with the extra medication. It's a temporary thing, but for now it's good to sleep better and feel more relaxed.

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  8. Oh dear, I am sorry to hear that you are feeling unwell. I very much hope that 2014 will treat you better than 2013 and that you will get well soon. All my best wishes, Rike

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  9. It seems like 2013 was a hard year all the way around. Please take care of yourself and get the help you need. Your blog will be here when you are ready to continue, but don't feel obligated. Here's to 2014.

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  10. Take all the time you need, hopefully 2014 will be the best yet x

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    1. Thank you! I really hope that 2014 will be a better year!

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  11. I'm so sorry to hear you've been going through such a difficult time. I think it's really brave of you to share here, and am glad you have your family there to support you through it all. Hoping and praying that 2014 is a wonderful one for you. oxo

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    1. I was really doubting if i should write about this. But a sudden disappearance didn't feel right. I'm really glad that I'm staying at my parents place right now.

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  12. I'm a bit overwhelmed with all your comments! Thank you such much! You are the best!

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  13. What a hard year for you Anthea. It was very brave of you to share this. I hope that you are now getting the help that you need and that the medication works out. It takes time but you will get better. I too suffer from anxiety and depression but with support of loved ones, pills and a year's worth of therapy I feel like I am breaking through the other side. Just remember to be kind to yourself which is not always easy and allow yourself the time to do whatever you need to in order to begin to feel better. Hoping that this year has far better things in store for you. Take care.x

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    1. Thank you for sharing your story! I'm happy to read that it's going better with you!
      I was really doubting about writing this post. But I realised if I broke my leg I would write about it. So why shouldn't i write about my anxiety.

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  14. I am so sorry to hear of your troubles, Anthea. I hope you are with loved ones that can take care of you for a while until you bounce back. I am glad you're putting your health first, after all it is the most important thing. I will miss your posts, but I am happy to wait for them ;) Wishing you all the best for the new year!

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  15. Thank you for sharing your struggles with us, Anthea! I know what it can be like to struggle with anxiety and to be chemically unbalanced. Have you looked into natural, herbal healing? That is the route I've gone-- your body is a machine and it has to be fed and fueled properly- the best way is to give it what it needs rather than just treating the symptoms. Just a suggestion, it has made the difference for me! The only thing that consistently carried me through my own ups and downs though is a relationship and trust in Jesus. He can give you peace and rest that doesn't even make sense to possess when things are falling apart around you. I pray that you can find that peace and reach a place of health and recovery. I'll keep you in my prayers and wish you the best!

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    1. Thanks Desarae. The medication is temporarily to create a bit of peace in my mind. I also get a new more intensive treatment and hopefully I will be able to manage with less or without any medication.

      I've been to a retraite located at a monastary a while ago and that was so peaceful. I'm thinking about going to that place again.

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  16. I'm very sorry to hear about your health issues. You definitely need to put your health first. It's WAY more important to blogging or jobs or anything else. Best wishes for you!

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    1. Thanks! I know you're right, but sometimes it's a bit difficult seeing other people having a day job and such

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  17. My dear Anthea, you have my unending concern and understanding (anxiety has been a part of my life since, well, since as far back as I can remember honestly). Thank you deeply for baring your soul and speaking so very openly about what's been transpiring for you lately. Please don't worry about blogging/being online at all. Focus on you, your well being and happiness. We love you and are here for you always, honey.

    Gentle hugs,
    ♥ Jessica

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    1. I don't remind anything else then being anxious for so many things in live. But the lost couple of months it went worse with huge attacks. Hopefully, with the right treatment, it will get better.

      Thanks for you sweet words Jessica!

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